One overcast winter's day in London, I learned that my father was
dead. If I were to do it all over again, I might choose a different
phone box than one near the
Tower of London. The crows, grey stones
and pervasive memories of death really didn't help to relieve my
immediate and intense sadness. I remember hanging up the phone and
feeling a sense of grief that surprised me - how could I possibly be so
broken up about the death of a man I had never met?
I feel kind of envious of all the "Daddy and me" pictures flooding
Facebook and Twitter and wish I had one to share of my own. I suppose, I
could be bitter about that or feel resentful, but that wouldn't add
much good to the universe, would it? Instead, I'll share a story, the
amazing pre-Internet tale of how I found my father with a phone card and
a page ripped from the Dublin telephone directory.
On that damp day in London in 1988 there were 32 McMenamins to choose
from, none bearing the same first name as my dad. I decided to just
pick a listing randomly - I think I began with one having the same first
initial. My heart in my throat, I dialed, only to hear a recorded
message saying the number had been changed. I closed my eyes and jabbed my index finger at a different listing - and my very next phone call paid
off. The soft spoken gentleman who answered the phone, Conal,
was actually the ideal McMenamin for me to have reached - calm, kind,
still closely in touch with the family and not apparently scandalized in
the least when I told him that I was searching for my biological
father. As I described what I knew of Jeremiah, details such as when he
lived in New York and the employment history with which I was familiar,
Conal interrupted me to say that it sounded like I was describing his
Uncle Jerry. When I asked if I could be put in touch with this uncle of
his, he hesitated a moment and then reported that his uncle had passed
on some 5 years earlier. I was too late.
Before ending the call, I offered him my address and phone number and
made a request - if he had a moment to spare, could he share his
impressions of my father with me in a letter some day? I explained I
just wanted to know something about the man he knew as Uncle Jerry.
What type of man was he? What made him smile? What made him happy? Cousin(!) Conal
agreed and I hung up knowing that while a door had been forever closed,
a window was now open. Someone knew about me and while I lost the hope
of ever meeting my father, I found a new little piece of myself.
I had flown to London with a folded up phone book page in
my pocket and, through my own efforts, introduced myself to the family
which provided 50% of the DNA in my body. And, they accepted me and
ultimately celebrated me as a welcome addition to their family, my
family. Maybe my father and I never had a chance to meet, but we have a
common love for his siblings, his country, and travel. I know now
that he was a well dressed man, quick to help a friend and he liked to
whistle. And that in addition to giving me life, he ultimately gave me a family.
Happy Father's Day to all you daddies. Never underestimate what you give to your children - regardless of your proximity.
.JPG) |
| My father, Jeremiah McMenamin |
As I said, we've been to Kingston before and enjoyed it,
but our explorations were in the area surrounding the original State
Capital, sort of uptown I'd say. This time though, we (ok, me, but I'm
the one who is usually responsible for sussing things out) had a
hankering for Mexican and Mole, Mole at 23 Broadway had some positive comments on Yelp so we decided to
give it a shot. The part of Kingston where my Google maps brought me
was completely new to us, but it has obviously been developed for
centuries. The hill which lead us down to what seemed to be an inlet
for the Hudson, was a broad street with brick buildings on both sides,
some commercial, many residential. In addition to the restaurant where we ate, there were a number of other options for dining, including a place I had heard of for years, but had never seen - Mariner's Harbor. Based upon the Yelp reviews, I don't imagine I'll be eating there anytime soon, but I now know where it is. 
.JPG)
