Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Grey Street

She feels like kicking out all the windows
And setting fire to this life
She could change everything about her
Using colors bold and bright
But all the colors mix together - to grey

Maybe it's the weather - it seems like a while since I've seen the sun light up the sky to blue.  Or, perhaps, it's the near constant hum of people around me demanding that I see things more clearly; in a more black and white fashion, but, I find myself completely unable to step far away enough from my present circumstances to gain true perspective.  I understand that there are in fact "deal breakers" in life - last week's therapy appointment reminded me that I would never tolerate physical or emotional abuse for instance, however, I am generally incapable of viewing the world in absolutes.  There are far too many exceptions and variables to walk through life with foregone conclusions to situations which have only as yet been mental notions. 

Things that I never imagined doing, or being done to me, have occurred and now I need to determine the direction in which I will travel.  Looking out the window, I see that the sky is brightening, holding the potential to erase shadows which have been obscuring my perspective.  I'll be hopping a train later in the day for a quick overnight to the city, so distance is also achievable, if only for a day.  Yet, I am convinced that ultimately, the only way I'm going to find my way off of Grey Street to a place where all the colors are "bold and bright," is by taking a careful, slow trip fully around the block. 

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