Owning it

image from moneyning.com

Part of being an adult, or even a mature teenager, is taking on life's responsibilities and managing them in a reliable fashion.   Often it seems as if obligations become absorbed by us with little or no conscious awareness.  You know, like when you no longer had a babysitter when your parents went out or you were permitted to walk independently to Stewart's or somewhere else previously not allowed  Other rites of passage come with more obvious recognition; receiving your driver's license, a credit card or checking account, and/or ownership of property like a car or home.  Each of these milestones involves approval from someone not a member of your family, as well as a bevy of paperwork in which you personally commit to abide by a series of conditions.  The seriousness of the contract you're entering into is frequently indicated by the number of times you must sign your name on official documents, a condition which probably isn't a bad idea. Maybe there could be a rubric which clearly denotes that the cumulative number of signatures is equal to the seriousness of the responsibility or commitment. Which do you think should require more signatures:

• buying a house
• getting married
• conceiving a child
• getting divorced

I think the answer to the above question is a personal one which probably evolves and changes as we move through life and all  of its chapters.  I'll let you know my answer after I've experienced each of the options.

I have an appointment coming up to close on a mortgage which will make me the sole owner of the home I have lived in for the past 15 years.  In all honesty, I'm a little scared.  Being a property owner with negligible maintenance skills is a bit overwhelming - what if (or rather when) something goes wrong?  There are so many potential disasters that if I let my mind take over, as I did in yoga class recently, I almost have a panic attack.  Or something like I imagine a panic attack to be. 

I know I've made some mistakes and choices which have impacted people negatively.  I apologize for hurting people who have done their best to care for me over the years, but I can't say I'm unhappy to be in the place I now find myself to be.  Yeah, I'll own it.  All of it.