|image from gracesgreatgifts.com|
How incredibly ironic that I should discover marital transgressions on Columbus Day... Perhaps it is appropriate - new things always come with some risk or peril, be it exploring a new land or testing the waters beyond the marital boundaries. Discovering your relationship no longer is fulfilling is at least as frightening as taking to open water and setting a course for the unknown. When you push away from shore, the place where you've been berthed for lifetimes, it is impossible to know where the wave is going to take you. Maybe it will be a smooth sailing experience - minimal seasickness before once again arriving safely in harbor. More experienced, eyes opened to both the beautiful and the frightening, ready, maybe even eager, to tie up again in safety. Or, maybe, just maybe, there's no turning back and the new land where your ship comes to rest becomes your new dwelling without the option of ever returning to the placid waters you once called home.
People don't talk about the hard parts of a marriage. How to maintain the flame that originally brought two people together and using it to navigate through times of darkness. The resentment and history and disappointment that builds and becomes increasingly more difficult to throw overboard. The weight of daily life which anchors the soul in a way that is more suffocation than safety. Like other explorations, both literal and emotional, this situation is taking me to foreign lands and I just don't know if I have the correct map in my possession. To be continued.