How do you let go ~ move past ~ grow beyond an experience which has brought you to your knees? Particularly when there are reminders of it everywhere you look?
At this point you know that I document my existence with words and images fairly constantly. Not a week goes by when my Nikon isn't being used and I really amp it up when I'm traveling. Part of the beauty of digital photography is the ability to shoot with abandon, and, believe me, I do. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a place where the only things I really want to abandon are the memories and images of the past 6 months or so.
Yesterday Quinn was performing for me (as third children are seemingly prone to do) and demanded I record his "act." I reached for the video camera, which is something I don't do with frequency since I prefer still images. It has been many, many months since I used the video camera and my eyes were assaulted by the movies saved on the hard drive - living memories of our family trip to Italy and London early last summer. Movies that were made during a time which I'd like to forget. Or fully forgive.
Tangible reminders of events and experiences have the ability to remind us of things we sometimes would rather not recollect. Obviously, moving forward often involves letting go. For me, the challenge involves choosing what exactly to let go of. And, of course, what to hang on to.
Tangible reminders of events and experiences have the ability to remind us of things we sometimes would rather not recollect. Obviously, moving forward often involves letting go. For me, the challenge involves choosing what exactly to let go of. And, of course, what to hang on to.
I hear you. Sometimes I look back on family pictures from my marriage and I am almost felled by the overwhelming disparity between what those images show me and what I felt then and where we are now, after our divorce.
ReplyDeleteMy boyfriend (partner, whatever) came across some framed pictures of my ex husband and I that I had sort of hidden away because I didn't know what to do with them and he actually encouraged me to put one of them out. Over or not, we were once so important to eachother and there's nothing wrong with displaying an image from that time. It's funny to me that it was my boyfriend who had to point that out to me.
Obviously it must be more complicated for you because things are fresh and ongoing...
Jennifer - Thanks so much for sharing your own experience. I can't imagine not having 17+ years of photos, of our life, surrounding me, but I definitely wouldn't miss some of the reminders. The balance between reflecting on memories and projecting into the future, escapes me these days.
ReplyDeleteSounds like Jennifer has a keeper.
ReplyDeleteBe kind to yourself, Silvia; you're recategorizing a lot of stuff these days and it really does screw up your balance.