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Despite my independence and sense of self reliance I have this thing about wanting to be taken care of. I don't mean financially; that I can manage on my own. I also don't mean physically, I have the gym and the massage therapist to help me out there. And, mentally? Well, I have a therapist or two to assist in that area. No, what I'm talking about is emotionally. Someone whom I always know I can count on to contemplate my feelings even when I may not deserve their thoughtful consideration. I'm not asking for blind adoration or universal acceptance, but I would like to feel as if my position, as wife, partner, individual, whatever, is defended and protected against all interlopers and critics. You know, something along the lines of this definition from dictionary.com: Security - something that secures or makes safe; protection; defense. Seeing as how I've already bared myself in a manner that transcends the ability of any machine's capacity to expose, this doesn't seem too much to ask, or does it?
I hear you. It's a beautiful thing to have in a relationship. That emotional understanding. That whole know me better than I know myself. It's fragile and rare and so hard to find.
ReplyDeleteAll too often, as once young lovers age, they come to the stunning realization that they should never have paired.
ReplyDeleteTwo keys to a mature lovership is vision for a future and an "us against the world" mindset.
In the latter, lovers never chip at each other. They unite and push back any attackers. Interlopers become an impossibility.
In short, you needed the "us against the world" mindset from day one.
@Jennifer - I've come to truly understand that I have it with my friends and sometimes that is enough.
ReplyDelete@Anon - It just isn't that simple in my view, lots of grey in the world...
I really feel the need to thank you for this, and for all of your amazingly open and honest posts on the topic. Just last night I discovered infidelity in my own relationship, although I think in my heart of hearts it wasn't a surprise. Maybe that is why I've been so drawn to your posts. We're not married, we dont' have kids, but this is the man I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with, so the blow has most certainly knocked me. Oddly, what was an awful conversation was also one of the most open and honest conversations we've had in a long time, maybe years. Despite all the hurt, anger and sadness, there's a part of me that just can't quite feel bad about that. I know you've been writing for yourself, but I just had to tell you the comfort it's brought me - even this early on - to know the range of emotions I'm feeling right now is not uncommon. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteOh, Anonymous - I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It absolutely sucks, I know. Believe me, I'd rather have not gone through the experience(s) which I've shared, but I have to trust that I will come out on the other side (wherever the f that is) with a more true and honest relationship. And thank you. I have caught some flack for my sharing and feel a sense of validation that my words have somehow helped you. Big hugs to you.
ReplyDelete