Moving pictures

How do you let go ~ move past ~ grow beyond an experience which has brought you to your knees? Particularly when there are reminders of it everywhere you look? 

At this point you know that I document my existence with words and images fairly constantly. Not a week goes by when my Nikon isn't being used and I really amp it up when I'm traveling. Part of the beauty of digital photography is the ability to shoot with abandon, and, believe me, I do. Unfortunately, I'm stuck in a place where the only things I really want to abandon are the memories and images of the past 6 months or so. 

Yesterday Quinn was performing for me (as third children are seemingly prone to do) and demanded I record his "act." I reached for the video camera, which is something I don't do with frequency since I prefer still images. It has been many, many months since I used the video camera and my eyes were assaulted by the movies saved on the hard drive - living memories of our family trip to Italy and London early last summer. Movies that were made during a time which I'd like to forget.  Or fully forgive. 

Tangible reminders of events and experiences have the ability to remind us of things we sometimes would rather not recollect.  Obviously, moving forward often involves letting go.  For me, the challenge  involves choosing what exactly to let go of.  And, of course, what to hang on to.

Road Trip: Syracuse

Despite my best intentions to have a completely relaxing Christmas break, somehow things got away from me. What began as a mellow holiday week with takeout food and easy Italian somehow spiraled into a frenzied period of mind altering substances and miles of New York State travel. Seriously, it was either back to work for me or rehab - I was that done.

Syracuse may seem an odd place to celebrate my first New Year's Eve off in nearly 10 years (not counting the one when I was pregnant with Q), but, my brother lives there and he doesn't have children and he does have a lovely hot tub.  See - I'm getting relaxed already without spending a dime.  To ease myself into a carefree couple of days, I took the slow ride out, driving Route 20 the entire way.  If you're not short on time, I recommend this method - much more scenic than the NYS Thruway if you're not in a rush.  The drive definitely prepared me for the evening's festivities, which involved... hmm... what did we do?  Exactly - nothing!!  Personally, I didn't even have a drink, other than the glass of Riesling I had at the country club on my way.  There was a tasty burger made by my brother at about 9:00, and some reality television, and that was the extent of things.  Pretty anticlimactic for a girl who couldn't wait to turn the proverbial page on 2010, huh?



View from the hot tub on a "sunny" Syracuse day.

Since there was no trace of a hangover to prevent me from having a full day on 1/1/11, I made the most of my time.  The day started with a soak in the hot tub, an activity I had previously imagined as a post-cross-country ski thing, but seeing as how it was 55(!) degrees outside all that beautiful snow (66+") was long gone.  At around 11, I headed downtown to explore the Armory Square area.  Have you been there?  It's kind of cool.  Instead of being a loooong strip of restaurants, bars and retail spaces (ahem, South Pearl Street, I'm talking to you), it is a concentrated area that spans a few blocks in more of a square, which, to me, makes wandering around a bit more interesting.  The businesses are primarily independent places, with a somewhat odd concentration of Irish pubs, and I was well occupied for a couple of hours until the rains came down. At which point I headed to the Carousel Mall for some additional shopping and to see a movie inappropriate for children, The Black Swan, which, by the way, I hated. 

plenty of places for a pint



kind of cool, right?

mosaic bench



                               mosaic wall

After another evening of doing not much of anything, I headed back to Albany Sunday morning, this time via the thruway to assuage my parental guilt for being away from my family for 48+ hours.  When I pulled off to get some cheap Indian gas (which is not as cheap as it used to be), I decided to do something completely out of character and spontaneous.  Yep, that's right, I went over to Turning Stone to have a look around.  Did you know it is still possible to smoke indoors in New York State?  It seems to me that the Native Americans should be using their powers for more important things than pandering to the people who continue to kill themselves by smoking, gambling money they can ill afford, and eating from unlimited buffets.  Unless, of course, this is the ultimate revenge on the white folks, in which case I say bravo.

I don't know how people know to to play these games of chances... As I walked around the slot machines (?) I realized I didn't have a clue as to what to do at a casino.  The realization was both a relief (guess I'm not going to lose any of my hard earned cash) and a bit of a disappointment (looks like I'm not going to win $1,000s a la Matt Baumgartner and start my own business empire).  My curiosity about casinos was basically satisfied (or maybe I was merely repelled) so I got back in my car and headed east to the DelSo.

Happy New Year to all of you.

Breakfast @Quintessence

looking a little skeptical

You know the phrase "there's no such thing as a free lunch?" Well, I couldn't buy breakfast in this town on New Year's Eve morning.  Our original plan was to walk around the corner and get some grub at the Wine n Diner, but, alas, they weren't open when we approached their door sometime between 9 and 10 a.m.  Plan B was the Miss Albany Diner...also closed.  What's up with that, Albany??  You know I'm not a chain restaurant girl, so that eliminated a number of "options" which may have been acceptable to other folks seeking some breakfast grub, but I was on a mission.  You see, I was entertaining an out-of-town friend and wanted to give her a true Albany experience, not just a driving tour of the south east side of my fair city. I wish I could say that Quintessence was indeed my third choice, but it wasn't actually - it was more a happenstance occurrence as we drove through the park, heading towards Madison's End Cafe, and I realized that there was another ultimate Albany joint to show off.  And, bonus, there was even parking available!



hesitation becomes enthusiasm

Now, I know that Quintessence has always been known as a silver beacon to gloppy green noodles, and I say this with affection, but I was feeling like something a little less dense carbohydrate based for my last breakfast of 2010.  The item which called my name was the smoked salmon and eggs combo - the sister dish to Lisa's smoked trout and eggs.  I went with poached eggs, while she had her usual over easy, and since the fryer wasn't yet up and running, we settled for home fries rather than the crispy fries we both typically gravitate towards.  A note: Lisa is always game for wherever I want to eat and credits me with exposing her to numerous terrific restaurants, particularly in NYC.  The truth of the matter is, I consider myself indebted to her for showing me the way when it comes to home fries and french fries - well done is absolutely the way to go.  Do you see the crispy little fried bits on her plate?  That, my friends, is what it is all about when it comes to potatoes for me.  The home fries were definitely the highlight of the meal for me - not because there was anything wrong with my breakfast, it was simply the potatoes were so damn right. 

My poached eggs were fine - soft the way I like them and hot.  The salmon was a bit dry and kind of salty, but not in a completely off-putting way, just in a way that made conscious of pounding extra water.  The service was friendly, the coffee flowed and the experience was generally positive.  Although I really need to get to the Wine n Diner, Quintessence will not again be lower on my short list of breakfast spots than position #2.  Or, as I like to think of it, the slot I reserve for Daniel Craig on a different, but similar list.  ;)

Resolved in 2011

image from jasonclegg.com

Doesn't resolved sound so much more certain than resolutions? Let's have being positive be our number 1 item to resolve this new year! Achieving a balance between looking in and looking out is an item I'd like to master in this new year - consider it added to the list. I was thinking about perspective while soaking in my brother's hot tub the other morning.  The seat which I initially found myself drawn to provided a view of the house rather than the beautiful valley vista visible from the other available seat.  Why not become more aware of the view?  Continuing the work on my capacity to live in the moment is something I've been consciously working towards mentally, for some time. Time to make it a more physical than merely mental activity.  Speaking of physical activity, though, reminds me that getting some type of exercise a minimum of 5 days a week is imperative, both for psychic and physical health.  I'll do my best to resolve to continue being as active as possible, while trying to not over schedule myself. 

There you have it - my list to be resolved in 2011.  Stick around - let's see where this goes.

Interesting in 2010: DelSo's Silvia Lilly | All Over Albany

Check this out!   And... if you're inclined, make a comment on the AOA site. The other interesting people all have numerous comments (thanks, Albany Jane!) and I do have a latent competitive drive.  I'll be writing a piece for them on a monthly-ish basis and couldn't be more excited - show some love.

Interesting in 2010: DelSo's Silvia Lilly All Over Albany

Layers of Love

Can you see how many times I've used this recipe?

Lasagna is one of those dishes that must have a million variations - an ability similar to the human being's capacity to experience love. There's the friendly love (think turkey in place of beef/pork and spinach taking the place of some of the cheese), the seductive love (an impressive béchamel sauce layered between delicate sheets of gorgeous fresh pasta) and the hearty family love as evidenced by the recipe I ultimately went with: Meat Lover's Lasagna. When I initially saw this recipe in the NY Times a good number of years ago, it was a total affront to the health conscious recipe I had made in previous years. You know, the recipe that used ground turkey and turkey sausage, low fat cheese(s) and as many vegetables as I could hide incorporate.  I mean, this recipe opens with a half pound of pancetta, for Pete's sake!  There was something about this recipe, however, which intrigued me with its 4 kinds of meat and 3 types of cheese...what could be bad, right?  The ingredients are readily available and the butcher at Cardona's is always willing to chop the pancetta up for me into the small pieces required by the recipe.  Note: I've abandoned cooking the pasta prior to assembly - I find it much easier to build my lasagna with noodles which I can break into the size I want (I generally alternate the layers going north/south with the noodles and then east/west) and the pan gets tightly covered with foil allowing the noodles to almost steam cook.  If you're looking for a Saturday afternoon recipe to feed a crowd (the recipe says 8-10, I say pshaw - easily 12-14) or a meal to embrace you with meaty love - this could be your thing.  There's plenty of this love to go around.

ground beef, chopped parsley, cheese

meatballs dredged in flour, then fried in olive oil

simple tomato sauce prior to the addition of sausage and meatballs



the meat layer!  after frying and then simmering the sausage and meatballs,
the meat is removed from the sauce and coarsely chopped.



bubbly goodness - seriously somewhere between 4-5" deep

Precious Metal

Why do we measure things in terms of metal? Consider the phrases which suggest the positive power of metal...." good as gold" ..."silver linings"... platinum blond." Think about it, though, What properties of metal would one really want in a relationship? Rusty strength? Susceptibility to the elements? Hmmm.

When he and I first met, I remember knowing that we were destined to be together - a golden couple in the smelter of life There was no doubt, under the festive and sparkly new year's decorations, that the gods were smiling down upon us. When you're a golden couple, you expect the shine to remain always, radiating happiness to all you encounter. Ahhhh.

I just read a book, on  loan from a friend on her library account (thanks, Donna), that had some seriously resonating moments - sentiments echoing like the sound of a mallet on a metal drum. The title is: This is Not the Story You Think It Is by Laura Munson. The author, among other things, warned of the myth of the golden couple: "Maybe our hidden weakness was simply that we believed we were golden.  Different.  Special."  Munson wrote her book too late to warn me of such perils and I hear myself in her questions, her "How did we get here?"  I think she is the same age as I am and we've experienced  similar crises, despite their being nearly completely different. Sounds contradictory, but heartache is heartache. And there is plenty of it to go around.

Gold and silver and platinum, precious metals, a commodity in our world. A first kiss 18 years ago. Which really has more meaning? Which is stronger?