Land ahead, Columbus!

I forget sometimes that I run for clarity - to be able to see better.  Despite thoroughly enjoying my genuine two complete days off in a row, I was feeling punky today.  Yes, precisely punky, I'd say.  I was able to rationalize my funk as being the result of too much wine and not enough exercise over the holiday weekend, but there was something else.  Something that made me feel off.

I watched a sweet but sad excuse for a romantic comedy and then forced myself to put some running clothes on and get on out there.  I was barely .25 mile in when I realized without a doubt what was niggling around in my head... 

Exactly one year ago this weekend, my neighbor, Ken Ragsdale drew a picture (is this the right word? is there a more correct artsy word I should know?) of the view of Arcadia Avenue looking out from his front porch.  That perfect piece of his work now hangs in my house.  And, Columbus Day 2010 was when I, too, began to gaze intently at a similar view but somehow my eyes went beyond Arcadia Avenue, and I began to see all kinds of things I hadn't before noticed.  Or perhaps, even wanted to notice, would be a more accurate assessment.  Ah, yes, the hindsight view.

The path from thinking "nothing will ever change," to living a life that is more vital than ever before, is disconcerting sometimes.  Thank goodness for DelSo - it certainly eliminates having to explain a lot of things individually to people since it's all here! 
 

There were layers and layers of emotion that were stripped away, some with a slow erosion, others with something more akin to the proverbial band-aid rip, and, happily, what remains is a true concern for one another and a sincere hope for all future happiness.  No longer casting for stability and safety with one another, but instead discovering a future that involves explorations to different places.  Happy trails ahead.

Allegrini Palazzo della Torre 2007

Allegrini Palazzo della Torre 2007

An Albany evening

Last weekend I enjoyed what may have been the ideal early autumn Sunday afternoon in Albany. And it didn't even involve football or chicken wings. Instead, I got to wear something pretty and see people I originally met a couple of decades ago when I first worked for Donna and Yono Purnomo. I've celebrated quite a few milestones over the years with Albany's first family of restaurateurs - there have been graduations and birthdays and weddings and other anniversaries, but this event was to mark 25 years of Yono's, the restaurant. And the Purnomo family knows how to entertain, be it professionally or personally, believe me.

Naturally, there was food and wine in tasteful excess, along with faces I haven't encountered in many years. I felt a wonderful sense of family, and was struck by how many of the guests present had born witness to my life, as I have to theirs. It was a lovely party and I hope there will always be a place for me on the Purnomo guest list. If not, no worries - I'll just crash the party!

After spending a couple of hours chatting and having my appetite piqued with Bakmi Goreng and Babi Kecap, I headed over to Capriccio's cozy bar to enjoy a more substantial meal. I very much am an "eating at the bar" kind of girl because it is just so damn convivial.  This occasion was no exception to this life tenet and our party ebbed and flowed as we took over shared the bar with old, as well as new, friends.   

When I got in my car to drive home I was thrilled to listen to Hello, Pretty City on 97.7 WEXT. My drive seemed far too short but I arrived back in the DelSo smiling at Laura's voice, and feeling utterly at home and grounded in Albany, NY. The afternoon may have begun as an acknowledgement of a milestone in the hospitality business but it concluded, for me, as a celebration of my adopted city.  My professional and personal experiences with Donna and Yono over the past 20+ years are completely responsible for my introduction to Albany's finest restaurants.  The kindness and consistent support I received from them provided  the perfect foundation for me to expand my love for food, hospitality and the people who make both of those happen each day.  It may have been Donna and Yono's silver anniversary which we were celebrating, but to me, they truly are worth more than gold. 

The gift of nothing

It seems to me that there are many people who remain in relationships or situations because they are hesitant to lose the security of what is known. Change is scary. Period. When I look around my home, I know I am incredibly fortunate that I didn't have to pack myself up and leave the place where I have lived longest ever. But, I think I could have.

If it had been necessary, I'm confident I would have been able to leave the house behind as I stepped towards the future. I know this because I spent my childhood packing and unpacking, as we moved from house to house sometimes improving our standard of living, sometimes not. The frequent moves (I recall 10 addresses by the time I was 12) left me with a firm belief that the stuff in the boxes was where the comforts of home came from, but the stuff that made me at home with myself came from some other internal space.

I spent some time recently with a very dear friend, someone I have known for more than 30 years. We were talking about finding happiness and contentment in a world often placated by stability and complacency. She spoke of her hesitation to change her circumstances because she was uncertain if she could sacrifice her home and the comforts she has grown accustomed to for an unknown future. Despite the possibility of gaining a deeper sense of personal joy and emotional fulfillment, the appeal of creature comforts and social acceptance was proving too formidable a leash to easily escape. Our conversation caused a genuine "aha" moment for me...

Growing up as I did, moving from town to town and school to school and house to house, taught me a lot. I know I can make a home wherever I am - for myself and my children. I am able to achieve a degree of comfort that is independent of what possessions I am surrounded by. Being raised with limited resources has made me capable of living with little. The gift of nothing may in fact have been the greatest thing my mother ever gave me.

Donut Picking

Q: Why are donuts round?
A: So you can slip them on around your waist!

My friend, Emily once described these delicious treats as fried fat and sugar. Yep, pretty much sums things up. This past Saturday I devoted my morning to exploring the nuances of cider donuts as I (and my mini me, Quinn) joined the 2nd annual Tour de Donut organized by Daniel Berman of Fussy Little Blog fame. It was quite a sacrifice of sleep and a commitment of time, once you factor in the 3+ hours for eating, driving and socializing, as well as the amount of time it took me to run 4 miles post-donut binge. All worth it.

I will allow Daniel to sums things up in his inimitable style - he promises the post will be up this week and he seems to be quite a reliable sort. I'll just offer some photos from the day and my opinion on what was best, leaving, of course, knowing "what's good" to Daniel.

Ready to eat donuts.  And ride a Harley.

Stop #1, 9 and 20, East Greenbush

Our first sample - nutmeggy

On the road to Goold's

100 years!  This was our first time there.

Cinnamon-ny

Where I stopped on the way home...that's a hint.

I love the little imperfection - see the evidence of the donuts once being connected?

They bonded over an imaginary nuclear bomb - and sugar.

Goold's

Ah, glistening fat...

Samascott - curiously brown and whole grain-ish

And crumbly

Cutest logo

Cakiest donuts

Think pink - and positive

www.pinkribbonshop.com

You know that PET scan I had the other day?  Well, as with many things in life, there is good news and potentially bad not so good news.  The area of my neck where tiny malignant things seem to like to grow is clear.  No signs of any additional issues, which means at this point I can avoid having my neck cut into for the fourth time in less than 10 years. However...

I've learned over the years, that when a physician's office calls with test results and they don't leave a message, there may be a problem.  Seeing that missed call on Friday and not seeing a corresponding voicemail, caused me to pause.  And pick up the phone and call the ENT's office.  Looks like there was some uptake in my breast area and I need to get a mammogram, despite just having had 2 in May.  So, today I will call my primary doctor's office and ask for a referral and schedule an appointment to have my breasts squished between those metal plates for the third time in less than 6 months.  

As far as PET scans go, I'm 2 for 2.  But, I know that if there's anything there it is early and I am confident that all will be fine.  And - how perfect that it is October, Breast Cancer Awareness Month. If you know me in real life (as if I'm an enigma virtually!) you know that I'm not one for trends, but this situation couldn't come at a better time of the year. For me and you ladies out there. Do your breast self exams and get that annual mammogram!  Early detection is key.

As for me,  I'm going to wear pink every frigging day.  If I'm not outrunning cancer mentally by literally taking a run wearing my hot pink ear buds, I'll be wearing a pink scarf or sweater, or socks or perhaps a favorite piece of hot pink under-attire.  Pink?  Oh, it will be there.  And we'll hope that's ALL that is there.  

Check out this recent SEEN gallery from the TU.  Survivors are everywhere.

Highlights and lowlights

This is the time of the year when I generally tweak my hair color to a richer, more autumnal shade. You know, add some highlights and lowlights to add depth to my color for the long dark winter that lies ahead. But that isn't what this post is about.  I've been reflecting on the month of the September and recognized that I've  had some rather extreme emotional experiences in the past 30 days.

image from 4.bp.blogspot.com

I'm inclined to overshare events in my life, focusing most often on the positive.  What can I say?  It's my way.  And my blog.  This past week I've struggled a little bit with my generally sunny outlook on life and I thought it would be a good exercise for me to kind of itemize the good and the bad to help me gain perspective.

Without further ado - the highlights of September 2011:

• Visiting the NYS Fair with the boys and hanging out with my brother at his house.  This was the month when Q learned to swim and his time spent in my brother's pool was integral to the process.  Bonus that my brother is a doctor in case of any near drowning  incidents.
• NYC with the girls.  No further explanation necessary or offered.   
• Participating in the American Memorial Triathlon
• Outstanding meals at Cafe Capriccio and the Capital City Gastropub
• A memorable birthday breakfast
• Celebrating birthdays and a marriage with friends

And now, the lowlights:

• Seeing people I love struggle with loss and personal challenges
• Losing the only other girl in my home, Cassidy Bono Lilly, for a night.  She was picked up by animal control when an unnamed Lilly boy did a crap job taking care of her.  She is no worse for her night spent at the Menand's animal shelter and perhaps appreciates home more now than ever.
• Having a routine follow-up PET scan at Albany Med.  It sucks to walk through the door marked "Oncology" and know that you're in the right place.

Expressing these high and low points of the month clearly illustrates that I have way more to be thankful for than I have to complain about.  I also can appreciate that two of the difficult things aren't clearly about me - they're situations which affect me because I care. Which ultimately is a positive, isn't it?

I can't be alone in doing this, right?  Don't you weigh good and bad events in your life to try to evaluate how you're doing?  Do you check in, and if so, how?