Yesterday my therapist broke up with me. Really. I've seen her, on and off, since around the time I first became a parent, and I think we've done some good work together. She helped me to understand my family history and lack of parenting, and to accept myself and some of the challenges I've encountered in life. I believe I've developed better communication skills, and I know that I've been able to more fully express my wants and needs, because of our relationship. We've been "seeing each" other again for about 6 months and we've spent the time discussing the unraveling of my marriage and how to best help the boys cope with changes in their lives. Our most recent visits, say the last 3 or so, have been scheduled at increasingly greater intervals and our conversations have leaned more to the social than the psychological. The appointment on my calendar has come to feel more like a burden than an unburdening and I think we both knew it was time to close this chapter. Last night she pulled the trigger and we agreed to separate. It is time for me to move on - alone.
|image from: http://909sickle.com|
In terms of personal relationships, how do you know when it is over? Is there some sort of internal well that either overflows with resentment and disappointment or is it more a case of your reservoir being emptied of feelings and enthusiasm for life? Does your relationship add more good to your life than it saps from your soul? How do you broach that life changing topic with your mate - the conversation which upon initiation sets the tone for what is to follow? I guess the decision is personal, no one else can make it for you. Knowing that you are supported by people who love you unconditionally can certainly give you the strength to follow the path you have chosen. For me, it was the sense that life was too short for me to feel perpetually dissatisfied. I couldn't do it - not to myself, not to my spouse, and not to my children. I knew there would be a continuation of pain inflicted and, since making the decision, I have felt a sense of happiness and peace which is absolutely radiating from me. Breaking up may be hard to do, but staying in a relationship which prevents you from feeling intrinsically intact is far more difficult.