Thursday, March 24, 2011

Chapter Next

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I've been busy recently, which isn't really new, yet because of my personal situation, it is entirely different.  When you've been involved in a relationship for a lifetime (18 years), severing those threads, and disengaging, takes time and sensitivity and patience.  Factor in 3 children and a myriad of shared commitments and financial responsibilities, and things do start to feel weighty, which I suppose is good. Decisions like the recent ones arrived at at my house should not be made lightly.

It's intensely interesting that two people can come together as individuals and create a world in which they are both heavily invested.  I remember many years ago being convinced that a healthy relationship with growth potential meant that, as a unit, 2 together could accomplish more than 2 traveling solo.  I still believe that to be true, however, there no longer is that sense present in my life.  It is time for a new chapter to begin.

The last nearly 20 years have been vital to my sense of adulthood.  Marriage, graduate school and a profession, home ownership, health challenges, and, most importantly, parenthood, have forever changed me from the person I was prior to each of those occurrences. Those experiences have been critical to creating the woman I now am, for better or worse.  This chapter of my life has been fruitful and satisfying, and I can't think of much I would have changed.  There were some wonderful trips and memorable meals, difficult situations were survived, if not vanquished, and many gifts were shared, but I am firmly convinced that it is time to turn the page and step forward to what's next.

Like most good things, the number of chapters a person gets in life is finite.  I've been increasingly cognizant of that fact with every loss I've experienced, be it the death of a friend or loved one, or the removal of renegade cells from my body.  I want some things in this next chapter that are different than what I have known.  I want to be taken care of and confident that I am cherished.  I want to yield some control and decision making.  I want to know that my existence has been as full as I could possibly make it, with every single page a chronicle of a life well lived.  Chapter next.


  1. I love your posts. They make me feel more assured - or reassure - in a strange way. I thought I was going to fall apart last year...I lost the job I adored, ended a four-year relationship and left everything behind to start anew, sort of. It's been a wild ride, one that has tested everything I've believed in and challenged what I thought I knew and wanted in life.

  2. Good luck to both of you in writing the next chapters of each of your books. I know you pretty well and you are a survivor (and a thriver). I'd say that I think you are going to land on your feet but I believe you already have. Tonight, I heard one of Don Draper's girls tell him during their break up, "I hope she [Don's new fiance] knows that you only like the beginnings of things." One thing that comes across in your writings and other communications, is that you are not at all like that. You savor all you can right up to the end. That's one of the reasons I know you and the boys will do fine. You do the best you can to turn chicken shit into chicken salad. I'm sure the food lover in you is disgusted by the thought of serving any meal that has even a little feces in it, but you get my point. Best of luck and love to you on your new path. I can't wait to see what the next chapters will bring. I'm renewing my subscription to this blog.