Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Care Package

image from
Care (verb): a. to feel interest or concern  b. to give care
     c. to have a likeness, fondness or taste. source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

It seems only natural to follow a definition of "care" with some anecdotal examples of  bad care received.  On reflection, however, I realize it wouldn't be beneficial or productive to itemize. I'm certain we all have our own laundry lists of occasions when we were disappointed by the level of care we've received in life, be it from a parent, a partner, or perhaps a professional upon whom we were dependent. I think it  is sufficient to say that the examples I personally hold  are more a confirmation of an inability to take care of rather than evidence of a lack of being able to accept being taken care of.

I've been told I am difficult to take care of, that I do not allow myself to be given care.  Up until this point in my life, I've been willing to accept this criticism  assuming, of course, that it is a flaw in my disposition which somehow makes me less than lovable.  I no longer subscribe to this.  I understand that my lack of familiarity with being taken care of has caused me to develop into an extremely independent person, but I do not believe that somehow negates my ability to allow someone to attend to me in a caring manner.  Am I a capable and accomplished adult?  Absolutely.  Do I require someone to manage my health and finances and daily calendar?  No.  Do I desire someone who will stand beside me and allow me to feel a true sense of security, which will in turn permit me to learn what it means to truly be taken care of?  Yes, please, I'm interested in the whole (care)package.


  1. I hear you. My whole life I've put high priority on independence, and caring for myself. On top of that I also have strong care *giving* tendencies, and historically have gotten involved with those who want/need caring for. Unfortunately, those types don't always have the capacity or desire to reciprocate on the occasions I actually could use a little care myself.

    My current partner has the same tendencies as me. Two givers who aren't in the habit of being cared for... that took some getting used to! But, ultimately, it's become a really joyful place for me to be.

  2. Amen. Sing it sister. Don't let anyone tell you that you are incapable of anything. You are fabulous, talented, generous, humorous, caring, and innately wonderful.

  3. Ditto.
    I struggle with a lot of depression but an independent streak that sometimes -- okay, often -- borders on stubborn. Being with partners who seemed like they needed to be taken care of has often been a way to avoid dealing with my own issues. .

  4. Silvia, that is all that you and I knew when growing up. It was take care of ourselves or....??? Simply put, we needed to take care of ourselves at way too early of age. In fact, I was taking care of my own mother when I was 7 years old. HA ! Imagine our children taking care of anything at all when they were 7 years old! It was all a big mistake. It was what we knew, and the only life we knew how to live. We didn't know when we got married that we wanted to be taken care of so we continued with the care taking or the difficulty accepting when someone tried to care for us. It is an uncomfortable place for us to experience. I know that for myself, I too, want to continue on with my independence, my successful career, the mounds of responsibility it entails to manage Erik and Juliana's lives. What I want taken care of is emotional me. I want the love and sensitivity I did not get to experience at a young age and that sometimes gets thrown to the waist side by our busy lives. I want someone who cherishes as you have mentioned before. We don't want to sit back and let someone take over the household, quit our jobs, have someone pay the bills or plan our lives. We want someone to simply love and appreciate and cherish us for who we are as individuals. Maybe some romance perhaps, intimacy after a hard day of taking care of everything that we continue to have to tend to on a daily basis no matter how much someone cherishes us. There is a huge difference between the two "carings". One is everyday responsibilities that we are more than willing to continue to "take care of" and the other is to have someone "take care of us" emotionally. I have spoken my peace.